Dealing with dumping..

A nice question and answers in an agony aunt column in the Guardian
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/22/private-lives-relationship-ended-upset
dealt with the end of a relationship. A modern one with no professions of love for instance, but still leaving the woman devastated when she felt dumped. 


My comment was:
You were spinning a cocoon, he perceived that you were erecting a cage. 
As for saying you love someone or not, words don't count. He probably thought he was being honest and that you wouldn't accuse him of betraying Love. You probably thought he expressed Love by his actions and the way he looked at you and held you.
My guess is that any neediness came from a deep desire for affirmation, and that this is a wish rooted in something missing in your emotionally formative years as a child. Think about this, because if it's even partially the case you want something from a partner (ANY partner) that you can't get in an adult relationship. Affirmation between two adults is different from that in the relationship between a parent (or equivalent) and a child.
And if you weren't affirmed (ie loved for what you were) as a child, you'll be screwed as an adult till you mourn your loss (no solid emotional ground to stand on). We need firm ground to stand on, not straws to clutch at.
On a cheerful note - the abyss we keep slipping back into is never bottomless - if we touch bottom (which we can do by "letting go" ie surrendering to our misery ie mourning the loss) then we can push off up again.
Cocoons and cages (or, in the case of a lot of men, harness, reins and whip) won't do the trick. The only constraints we thrive on, that we feel good and human within, are voluntary and reciprocal.
That'll do for now, I hope. 
(Maybe some other time I'll have an opportunity of developing the positive aspects of all this - they are many and strong. One to think/feel about is that deep down inside we're all the same, and have an emotional strength and resilience (capacity to spring back again) that keeps us going - and this would be impossible without great love and warmth. Our *own* inner warmth and love, deep within the heart of humanity.)